Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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