Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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