Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
