Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am available for nakedness
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
