Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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