i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
