Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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