her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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