A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
