i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
