did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
