he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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