If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
