i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
