Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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