why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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