omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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