Your mouth is God's brothel.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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