So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
