We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
