I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
