Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
