A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
