Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize