I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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