Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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