You smell like a Billy Joel song
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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