i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I understand Curling. That high.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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