The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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