I need help removing her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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