we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
