people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
