Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
