hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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