thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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