I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
