i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
