I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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