White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
