I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
