and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
