My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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