Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
