you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
