i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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