I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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