i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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