I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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