It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
