You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
