yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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