Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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