At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
