so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
