Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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