glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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