remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
