she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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