I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
