That's intense
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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