I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
