Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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