The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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