I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and she was petting her beer can
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
