i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
