Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
