my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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