Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
