were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
