K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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