my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
