Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You smell like stripper and shame
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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