if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize