Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize