she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
