Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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