Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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