all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Randomize