What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
