She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
