I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sext me about skeletons
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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