Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This baby is an asshole
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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