i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
