tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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