remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She even gives head with a lisp.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
