R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
