ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
