I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
