THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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