Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
