Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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