Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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