she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize