I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
