were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
