I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
