Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
