Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if only i could text you this smell
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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