we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
