I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
