I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
