just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
